Stay Or Go?

I don't handle my own stress very well. It's been a problem for a while. When I'm put in a stressful situation I immediately want to turn and run. It's the easiest thing to do. To just leave all the problems behind.

Of course, they aren't bad problems and they aren't real problems. And, maybe, that's the problem. It's finding a way to recategorize issues in my brain, so that I won't look at them as problems.

I've been told (and just because it's on the Internet doesn't mean it's true) that the Chinese word/symbol for "problem" is the same as the one for "opportunity". Even if that isn't true, it really makes sense to me because in problem can lie a chance to learn more about oneself and a chance to improve a situation.

So, having said that, it's still a problem in that when I come across a stressful situation, I want to turn and run away. Or maybe it's not stressful, but it's easier to leave it all behind and start over.

A relationship not perfect? Run away and start over.

A job not perfect? Keep finding a new one until there's one you really like.

A location not a great fit? Pack up everything and head on the road.

I can always find anything I like; at least for a little while. But, as a book title suggests, "Wherever You Go, There You Are." And, the old me comes creeping back in reminding me that things are not perfect. It takes a while. Several months or maybe years. Then I'm itching to get back out there again and head someplace else where, even if it's not perfect, it will be fun exploring the place for and meeting new people.

I'm not sure if it's healthy or not. I know it keeps me moving and there's certainly the romance of the road and a new location. It has kept me going for years after I stagnated in one location for too long.

Now, though, I'm wondering if the real challenge of life isn't moving on but is staying put. And, in staying put, trying to look deeper within myself for answers instead of looking externally for the best job, location, house, partner, friend.

I've had great experiences everywhere I've lived. I've made some great, life-long friends in every place I've lived. I think I might miss that quite a bit when my life is stagnating.

Yet, a few weeks ago I was at my friend's house. He was surrounded by neighbors from his community who all came over for a little party. There were lots of kids running around and everyone was having such a good time. I felt like, maybe, I'm missing out on something. The life he's made is the result of staying in one place for a long time.

Don't get me wrong, though. A lot of my friends look at me with that "Grass is Greener" look because I'm living a life that seems very unique and exciting in a lot of ways.

There are no easy answers here, but I'd sure like to find the answer for me.

The Bigger They Are....

I have found repeatedly to beware a person who tells you how good they are, how smart they are, how they'll never act the way their friends act, etc. Usually, I have found that these are the people who fall the hardest, the fastest, the farthest.

A couple examples I can think of include:

1) When I was in college, I was dating a woman, Laura. This was back in the mid-80's. She would go on and on about how much she disliked Yuppies, how they were beneath respect, and that she would NEVER be one.

I ran into her a couple years after college and she was driving an Acura, which was the official car of Yuppiedom at the time. A few years later and she was living in the suburbs, with a couple of kids, driving a Volvo, which was the runner up to Acura.

I can appreciate how, when you have kids you want to drive a car that will keep them as safe as possible, so I don't deny her the Volvo, nor the house in the suburbs- good schools and all that.

It's a reminder that there's a reason the idea of Yuppies or DINKS or whatever develops. And, it usually develops organically and is waiting for a label to be slapped on it.

2) After college, I spent a lot of time with my buddy, Jim. Jim was always up for happy hours, checking out a band, going on a road trip....whatever. He was ready.

He was/is friends with my brother-in-law, Michael. Michael was also one of those guys who was always up for anything fun. But, after he married my sister he really wanted to be home and spend time with her.

Jim would complain that Michael was no fun anymore. When Jim got involved and married, he would never disappear like Michael did.

And, you know how it turned out. Jim met Susan and was never heard from again. Well, maybe once a year, but not much more.

And, there's nothing wrong with that. There are some things going on that you can't appreciate until you're involved with it. Once you are, then your whole decision making framework changes.

That's my take on it anyway.